life in the theater

Posted: 03/23/2014 in house of crazy

Cloudsbeing with you is like life in the theater–

who am i this time?

who am i fucking, that i didn’t know i was fucking?

life is complicated enough

without the whacked scripts you cook up in your head.

here’s an idea–

keep accusing me of crazy shit.

keep bricking yourself up with all those stupid self-help books

that never make any difference anyway.

i used to spend hours trying to understand,

trying to shore you up, to soothe your worries;

then i’d get up to get a coke, and when i came back,

you’d be back to square one and basic crazy.

what do the radio waves tell you today, sugar?

who am i fucking, that i didn’t know i was fucking?

myself, i think.

see you in the funny papers–

i’m sick of this circus,

and i’m writing my character out of this play.

don’t be sad,

don’t complain to the stage actor’s guild–

you’ll always have the made-up me inside your head,

and that’s the only one you ever really saw

anyway.

______

photo “clouds” by kenia cris.

for play it again toads 3

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Comments
  1. Kay Davies says:

    “and that’s the only one you ever really saw anyway”
    And gotta love Janis.
    K

  2. margaret says:

    …yup. Time to exit the building. She must have been might good looking to stay with her for any amount of time 🙂

  3. hedgewitch says:

    Been there, living with the made-up me till i forgot it wasn’t me–messes up your head. coal brings it yet again, as only she can.

  4. Mama Zen says:

    True to the bone, Coal.

  5. Kenia Cris says:

    It’s hard enough to play your own self, imagine a character someone else wants you to be. This has somehow brought back to my mind one of my all-time favorite movies: Being John Malkovich. Thanks. 🙂

  6. You hit the nail on the head here…tough enough to play real when mean writes you into a different plot

  7. You have portrayed the kind of destructive relationship that can totally undermine one’s sanity, let alone self-respect. These are the monologues of many, heard by few. Thank you for putting it out there.

  8. i couldnt’ say it any better than the conglomeration of comments . distrust is a very curious issue in all relationships. well put

  9. Helen says:

    Wouldn’t want to be your understudy! Seriously good …

  10. lolamouse says:

    I’ve had relationships like this! You think you’ve made some progress and then it’s “Didn’t we JUST talk about this?!!”

  11. Susan says:

    Fine monologue addressing the perpetual tunnel vision that love–not romance–can work through given time. Rare time. Great poem, perfect accompaniment by Joplin!

  12. Wow, love this! So much punch to it.

  13. Horrifyingly close to my first marriage. Really. The only good thing that came out of it was Riley, and somehow that’s enough. Once she graduates next week from art school, I hope I never have to deal with him again. Powerful, raw stuff here…the kind I wish I could write, but I’m a pastor’s wife. Perhaps another blog? Nah. Too much to take on! Love to you, Amy

  14. dani says:

    “who am i fucking, that i didn’t know i was fucking?”

    HA! man, that’s no way to live!

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