Posted: 02/15/2011 in house of women

god sees when you do bad, mama said.

does not,  i said.

does. god sees everything.

this was bad news and didn’t care for it.

then i don’t like god, i said.

i’ll give god a bloody nose.

can’t, said mama.

your arms are too short.

jenny at school say

it’s against the rules.

jenny say

i’m gonna tell.

but jenny ain’t god.

guess how i know?

for One Shot Wednesday

  1. I so love the voice of this wild child! Love the short dialogue, snipped words. Good one, Shay!

  2. Mama Zen says:

    Awww, poor Jenny and her poor nose!

  3. hedgewitch says:

    MS. Coal Black is becoming quite the existentialist. But retaining her class, of course. Such as it is.

    And you say the poetry has been eluding you. Not.

  4. gracetalking says:

    I love the mix of innocence and wildness 🙂

  5. Claudia says:

    the logic of children…loved it…smart

  6. Great dialogue between mother and son.

  7. poemblaze says:

    Love the last line, and the whole poem. The humor is perfect.

  8. Mattison says:

    LOL! Love this! Very funny, clever in your usual dark Coal Black way. The characterization is great!

  9. poesravenlady says:

    Love how he has no doubt in his voice! Great poem 🙂

  10. Sue says:

    This made me laugh. Good one!

  11. dustus says:

    wow. “this was bad news and didn’t care for it.” Peers right into the mind of a child. Eloquent and without pretense. Quite a deep poem. (love your “Coal-train of thought” ; ).

  12. marousia says:

    This brought a smile – the irrepressible logic of childhood

  13. moondustwriter says:

    I popped a few in my day – some kids look much better with their mouths shut

    Love the talented Coal Black allure…

  14. brian miller says:

    naughty naughty…but maybe she made you feel like god…smiles

  15. ~Sarah~ says:

    I love the staccato cleverness. You make me think.

  16. Chris G. says:

    Love it! A clever look at God in the eyes of a child…and done in such a child-like voice, a perfect image of youth, in all its stubborn, innocent glory. Deep and wonderfully unique.

  17. Brendan says:

    god knows. I once heard some say they wouldn’t pray because they didn’t want God to know where he was. I love the muscle you find in the stripped bare verse.

  18. wkkortas says:

    Tight, keeps the rhythm and thematic string on the same wavelength from start to finish. The humor is wry, but the humor (and the poem as a whole) never goes over the top. The piece is restrained, which makes it effective. This is some awfully fine writing.

  19. Deborah says:

    I loved this!

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